


The Talk

by shushumimi123



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Cute, Drabble, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Funny, M/M, Memories, Potter siblings fluff, Teddy is the best big brother, family stuff, legal drinking, story telling, the sex talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-22 23:53:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14319831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushumimi123/pseuds/shushumimi123
Summary: How Scorpius and Albus got "THE TALK"





	1. Scorpius

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one is all about Scorpius' discussion with his parents, while chapter two will be about Albus' AND there will be some scorbus and Potter family feels 
> 
> Hope you enjoy x

"Astoria, do we have to do it like this?"

"Yes, I need to make sure you're not going to run away."

Scorpius looked back and forth at his parents curiously. Draco sat on the bed beside him, and his mother was sitting on his desk chair, facing them with crossed arms. Somehow, it felt like both he and his dad were both in trouble, but Scorpius didn't know why. 

They were talking about 'this' for the past five minutes since they've entered Scorpius' room. And they had yet to chime him in on what 'this' was. 

A silent conversation seemed to go down between the couple. Draco gave a pleading look, Astoria pursed her lips and crossed her arms, and Draco finally sighed in defeat before sitting up straight and clearing his throat. "Scorpius. Now that you're going to Hogwarts in a month, your mother and I have been talking-" he paused and glanced at his wife. "-We feel it is important for you to go with at least some knowledge of the human body."

Scorpius could tell his dad was deliberately talking very slow to make sure he chose the right words. And by the way his mum was watching him, Scorpius didn't blame him. Though, he was still just as lost as before

"The human body?" Scorpius shrugged and smiled. "I already know about the human body, dad."

Draco and Astoria sat up where they were and blinked several times, sharing a look before both confronting him. "You do?" Astoria tried to sound soft and calm, but her shocked face said it all.

Scorpius nodded and held his head up high. He was very bright for his age after all. "Of course. I know what every part of the body is called. What happens when one is sick and so on and so forth."  
The adults relaxed and Draco couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Well, we are glad you know that. But that's not what we're talking about." Draco's expression went back to serious and awkward, and to his visible relief, Astoria took over. 

"We want to talk to you about sex, dear."

Scorpius jumped when Draco made a choking noise and didn't even have time to linger on his mum's words before his dad stepped in.

"Astoria, I thought we were going to be stubble about it. Don't be so blunt."

Astoria rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. "If we do that, we'd be here all day. Hiding behind the bush is exactly what happened to us, and you know as well as I do that experimenting is not as fun as people make it out to be. Do you want Scorpius to go through that too?"

Scorpius watched his father think about it. He couldn't be sure what all his father had to go through, but the frown on his face didn't make it seem like too much fun. Scorpius knew close to nothing about sex, only the off-hand mentions of it in his books. But now, he wasn't sure he wanted to know anything at all. 

"Alright, fine." He said and turned to Scorpius. "Scorpius, we want you to know about... sexual relations so you can be safe at school," Draco said, speaking like there was a lump in his throat.

Scorpius, who didn't understand the taboo around it already felt a bit uneasy- a reaction formed by how uncomfortable his dad was about bringing this up. And he was not surprised that his mum caught on.

Because she clasped her hands together and smiled brightly. "Exactly. We want you to know a bit more about the changes you'll be going through. What you may feel and see. How you may feel towards your peers. About actual intercourse. From consent to condoms and should we tell him about the back-door, love?"

"Astoria!" Draco squeaked, his face red and his eyes wide. 

Scorpius could feel his face become a similar shade as he gave his mum a wary expression. What was the back door? Just what kind of conversation was this going to be?

Astoria stared at them until she realized she had been rambling and placed her hand over her sheepish grin. "Oops. Sorry, love. You should be talking about this. In fact, I shouldn't even be here," she said, laughing softly. Now it was Draco's turn to give his mum the look.

"Yes, I do believe that is what we agreed on as well."

"Wait," Scorpius finally managed to get a word. "Why is mum leaving?" Not that he very much wanted her to stay. In fact, he was a bit glad she was going to go. Scorpius didn't think he could match her perkiness about this conversation.

"Because when your dad was a boy, Scorpius. Grandmama gave him this talk, and he always says it was the worst thing ever," she explained.

Draco nodded sharply. The colour was now gone from his face, and he seemed much calmer. "It was a very awkward discussion. You see, grandfather explained nothing to me about this subject. And though grandmama tried, and she did, bless her. I just could not get over the fact my mum was the one giving me 'the talk,' so to speak," Draco added on, and Scorpius nodded slowly. 

His mind wandered for a second to imagine his grandmama sitting where his mum sat and he visibly shivered. Thank Merlin, his parents were the best.

Astoria laughed at his reaction and got up. "Well, I'll take my leave now. Just wanted to make your dad would make it here instead of runoff," she said and walked over to them, leaning down to share a peck on the lips with Draco. She moved to kiss Scorpius' hand and made her way to the door "I expect you two to have an in-depth conversation. I'll be timing," she said, pointing at the two. Scorpius and Draco both straightened up and nodded. 

The moment the door closed, the Malfoy boys relaxed. Scorpius was the first one to look over and faced his dad. "We don't need to have this conversation, dad. I really don't have any interest in those things. Promise."

Draco turned to him and observed him. carefully "Are you sure?"

Scorpius nodded and smiled. "A pinky promise."

"Well good," Draco said and turned to the book on Scorpius' desk. It was a large one Draco walked in with that his mother confiscated from him before they explained what was going on. "I really didn't know what I was going to do without the textbook."

That made Scorpius laugh. He didn't know if it were because his dad felt too awkward to have this conversation or that he knew Scorpius would prefer a textbook, but either scenario made him have a good laugh.

"Oh hush," Draco said, a laugh almost escaping him. "But, the real question is what are we going to do for an hour?"

Scorpius took a deep breath and tried to stop his giggles. "Well, it doesn't matter. It's not like mum is going to test me."

There was a beat of silence.

"She might," Draco finally said.

Another silence.

"Maybe we should get the textbook-" Draco was already getting up as Scorpius spoke.

"Already one step ahead of you."


	2. Albus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus retelling the story of how he got 'THE TALK'

"So yeah, that's basically how I got the talk." Scorpius finished his story and looked around his living room, laughing as they laughed.

"I'm sorry," James gasped and took a breath. "But you got the talk via textbook? That's the most Malfoy thing I've ever heard," he said and shook his head, going back to setting up Jenga on the coffee table.

Lily nodded and crossed her legs in her seat, cradling her cider. "Your mom sounds hilarious. But did you ever learn about the back-door," she asked, wiggling her eyebrow suggestively at Scorpius and Albus.

Albus tsked and rubbed his hand over Scorpius' legs as he placed them on his lap. "Obviously he did, from books and stuff, right?"

The grin Scorpius gave him told him otherwise. "Nope. I actually asked dad after we started dating. He was surprisingly very knowledgeable."

James burst out into another laughing fit. "Oh, Merlin. That's precious. Al, how do you feel that Draco knew you two were going to bone before you did?"

"Oh, shut up," Albus hissed and scrunched up his nose. The thought made him shiver, and everybody laughed at his reaction. Albus just wanted to keep thinking that Draco was still very much clueless about the ins and outs of their relationship.

"Pizza's in the oven. What did I miss?" Teddy walked into the room, wiping his hands with a dishcloth.

"You just missed how Scorpius got the talk," Lily explained and shook her head. 

Teddy's dramatically pouted. "Awe, that sounds so funny. Next time you have to tell me, Scorp."

Scorpius nodded. "Of course. But it wasn't even that funny, honestly." Albus watched him make a bashful expression, and he couldn't help but lean in to kiss his cheek.

"True. Nothing can beat ours. Right, guys?" James turned to Lily and Albus with a mischievous grin, and Al couldn't help but copy the expression.

"Wait, are you talking about," Teddy cut himself off as he settled on the seat James was leaning against. 

"Yup, the very same."

Albus threw his head back and laughed, running his fingers through his hair. "Merlin, no one can beat that one. You were such a menace, James."

Teddy rolled his eyes and reached down to roughly ruffle James' hair. "That was such a nightmare, James. You were so evil."

The four of them laughed until Scorpius caught their attention. "I don't know this story."

James suddenly stopped and let out a theatrical gasp, his hand slapping onto his chest. "Albus Severus Potter. How could you not tell such a vital story? To your boyfriend of all people?"

Albus only rolled his eyes. It just never came up. Al wasn't even sure if it counted. The one he did tell Scorpius was when Harry and him were in a muggle car on a long drive, and throughout the whole trip, Harry explained everything.

He looked over at Scorpius and grinned at his puppy-eyes. Scorpius didn't need to give them to him, but he appreciated the look regardless. "Oh, alright. I'm going to tell you," he said and felt his heart flutter by the way Scorpius kissed his cheek and rested on the couch. 

Albus cleared his throat and shifted back. "Okay, so basically-"

\----

"James, don't go back. Hogwarts is stupid," Albus whined as he followed James around Teddy's and Aunt Andromeda's house.

"Yeah, Hogwarts is bad!" Lily insisted, holding onto Albus' hand. 

It was the summer after James' first year, and as fast as it started, it was already coming to a close. 

They were spending the day with Teddy while the adults went out. But Albus knew they went to get more school supplies for James and Albus hated it. Lily hated it. And he hoped with both of them begging him all day he'd decide to stay.

James laughed at his siblings and shook his head. "I have to go back. It's really cool, and I learn lots of fun stuff."

"Fun stuff? Like what?" Lily asked and watched James curiously as she sucked her thumb.

James looked back and forth from the two and smirked. It filled Albus with a sudden curiosity, and as James leaned over, he couldn't help but mimic him. "I know where babies come from," James whispered.

Albus scrunched up his nose. He knew where babies came from too. "They come from the shop on the way from the hospital where a mommy and daddy can buy one."

James tsked. "Al, don't be dumb," he said and gestured them to sit on the floor. "Sit down. Let me tell you both the truth," James announced whimsically.

Al and Lily sat down on the carpet, legs crossed and looking up at James. School was one of Albus' favourite James. Especially when James was the teacher cause James was so smart.

"Okay, it starts out with a mommy and daddy, okay," James said, keeping his voice low but his hands waved around as he spoke.

"One night, when they least expect it a small bug crawls into the mommy's ear, crawling all the way up to her brain."

Lily squeaked and clasped her hands over her ears. Albus took her hand and held it before turning back to James. "And then?"

"Then, for the next couple days, the mom slowly becomes a zombie," he hissed and started to move like a zombie on the spot.  
"She starts becoming obsessed with baby things. Cribs and prams and clothes. Then, she will seek out other zombie moms, and only together they will become stronger."

"What about the daddys?" Albus whispered. 

James paused for a moment. "Um, the mommy slowly infect the dad too. Making him a mindless zombie that only thinks about babies" he said, and his voice went back to menacing. "And remember that bug?"

The two of them nodded, their eyes wide.

"Well, that bug crawls from the brain down to the mommy's tummy, and there it waits," James paused and got closer to them, lowering his voice. "It waits and grows. Controlling the mommy by telling her what to eat, when to sleep, how to act. And when the mommy is fully under its control, it starts to grow."

Albus gulped. His throat felt dry, but he didn't say anything. He just kept watching James with wide eyes.

"It grows and grows. Until one day," James took a step back. "One, horrible day, when the mom feels sick" he spoke slowly and took then took a deep breath. "The monster rips out of the mom's stomach violently!" James yelled at the top of his lungs and Albus, and Lily screamed!

Teddy barreled into the living room where Albus and Lily were crying, and James stood over them laughing like a maniac.

\----

"Woah, Woah. I was not laughing like a maniac. I remember trying to get you guys to stop crying," James corrected.

"Yeah, well in my version, you were laughing. You totally traumatized me," Albus pointed out, trying to sound serious.

Scorpius laughed. "I love how from all that, that's the one thing you needed to correct," Scorpius said and took a sip of Albus' beer.

James grinned, taking a beer from Teddy as he returned in a few more after checking the pizza. "Yeah, well, everything else was pretty spot on."

Scorpius blinked and turned to Al. Albus only shrugged, biting back a grin. He turned to Teddy and took a new bottle of beer. "Just in time, Ted. I'm getting to you."

Teddy smiled and sat back in his seat. "Perfect. Scorp, this is when you'll realize what a good brother I am."

Albus fondly rolled his eyes. "As I was saying."

\----

"What happened," Teddy gasped, his apron still on and his hair turning alarmed-red.

James, who was kneeling in front of them, trying to shush them, looked up at Teddy with a guilty smile. "Uh, nothing. Nothing at all," he shrugged.

Teddy gave him a dead stare before hurrying over, he knelt next to Lily and hugging her with one arm. "Al, can you tell me what happened?"

Albus took a deep breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. "James told us how babies are made. And how the monster rips out of the mommy," he sniffled. 

He watched how Teddy's expression went blank. How he blinked a couple times, looked at James, frowned then turned back to Albus and then Lily. 

Teddy sighed and placed Lily on her feet, putting his hand on her shoulder and took Albus' hand with the other. "Lily, Albus. James is a liar, and that's not how babies are made. Got it?"

Albus looked apprehensive, and Teddy seemed to notice. He sighed and turned to Lily, holding both her shoulders now. "James is lying. Babies are no monsters, and no one gets hurt. Got it?"

Lily nodded, sucking her thumb for a moment before speaking up. "Can I call James a butthead for lying?"

Teddy smiled in relief and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Go for it."

He let go of Lily, and she turned to James and started to jump up and down yelling: "Butthead! Butthead! Butthead!" until she was out of breath.

"Better?" Teddy asked, and she nodded. "Good. Wanna go play with your toys now?"

"Yup." And just like that Lily hurried out of the room without a care in the world. But Albus was a different story. If that wasn't the truth, then what was?

"Alright, Al. James is a liar, okay?" Teddy said and poked James' cheek.

"Yeah, only because no one wants to tell me," James scoffed and crossed his arms.

Teddy raised his eyebrow. "I would've told you if you asked."

James seemed to perk up, and Albus couldn't help but feel intrigued. If James wanted to know this badly, then so did he.

“You would’ve?” James asked, not really sure if he should trust him.

"Yes! Of course, I would've," Teddy said, as though he was offended James didn't think so. "You didn't have to scare Al and Lily into it. What were you thinking?"

James pouted and looked down at his hands, shrugging. "One of my friends did it with his brother, and it worked. His parents told him everything," he mumbled.

"And if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you too?" Teddy asked, sounding very much like Harry.

James eyed him and squinted. "Didn't you jump off a bridge with your friends last year?"

Teddy paused, and Albus curiously observed how he just sighed in defeat. "Okay, fair. But still." Teddy shook his head and turned to Albus. "Al, will you be able to forget about this whole thing?"

Albus blinked up at Teddy. He knew Teddy would like it if he acted like Lily. But Al really wanted to know what James was going through all this trouble for. So he just shook his head.

Teddy sighed and nodded. "Okay. Sit on the couch," he told the boys, and Al and James hurried up onto the couch while Teddy tugged the ottoman closer until he was sitting right in front of them. "Okay, so let's start from the beginning."

"What a vagina?" James suddenly asked, and Teddy gasped.

He stared at James for a moment before pointing at him. "You, shut your trap. I will have a separate, more in-depth conversation with you later. Right now, zip it."

"What is a vagina?" Albus asked, innocently. It was a funny word, and if James wanted to know, then Albus wanted to know too.

Teddy hid his face in his hands, letting out a long groan and a mumbled: "why me." Teddy took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, the colour shifting to a very adulty brown. "Okay, no more questions. Let me just explain, got it?"

The two boys nodded and Albus even neatly folded his hands in his lap.

Teddy waited for a moment, and when he went undisturbed, he started. "Well, it starts off with two people. Who love each other very much-"

\----

The room was filled with laughter and Albus was even wiping a stray tear from his eyes. 

"Merlin, how could you say vagina so bluntly, James? You're awful," Scorpius wheezed, trying to stop laughing, but they just kept coming.

"I don't know, but it worked," James panted and waved his hand over his face, trying to catch his breath.

"Man, it gets funnier and funnier every time I hear it," Lily said and actually turned her whole body away from the others to try to get a hold of herself.

"Hey, while you all are laughing, that was horrid. I had to tell Harry that. Imagine the look on his face! I wanted to die," Teddy whined, shaking his head and hiding his smile with his beer. "Al was so cute. Everything James did, Al did. Which was awful since James was the actual devil," Teddy teased and playfully shoved James away.

"I think Al is still cute," Scorpius hummed and reached over to brush his fingers against Albus' cheek.

Albus smiled at him and kissed his hand. "Thanks, Scorp. But yeah, that's our story. Corrupted by our big brother," he smirked. James had done a lot of evil things, but looking back, they always made great stories.

There was a faint ding, and everybody's head turned to the kitchen and Teddy jumped up. "Pizza's ready!"

"Finally," Al gasped and patted Scorpius' legs to slid off as they all sat up. "James, done yet?"

"Just a few more," James said and went back to placing the last of the Jenga blocks on top of the tower.

Teddy soon returned with the pizza and the weekly Sibling+Scorp game night officially started. A night that easily matched the screaming that was in Al's version on how he got 'the talk.'


End file.
